Friday, May 24, 2013

The best revenge

So I just came across the above meme. It made me think of my situation (shocking, I know).

When ex and I first separated, and for many months after, I sometimes would make a point not to look too nice when I saw him at exchanges with the girls.


Well, I didn't want to look like I was thriving or happier or otherwise quickly moving on. There was a lot of guilt associated with the decision to divorce, and I didn't want to make him feel worse. So I'd do things like put on my new dress or nice makeup after I saw him.

Fast forward to now.

Ex seems to have it in his head that he's Mr. Winner in this whole divorce and that I (and my mom, who the girls and I live with) am struggling right now. He said he feels bad for me. Like I'm something to be pitied because I live with my mom and don't earn $1 million a year.

Oh, how wrong you are, sir.

The fact is, I am without things I would like at this age, like my own house, namely.

But I have gained so much in this divorce and learned more about how to make myself happy than I ever could have otherwise.

So now that meme rings true. Not only am I proud of how well I'm doing, I have no qualms anymore about showing it. My life is harder, but much happier on the whole.

I call that a success.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Our last week

This is the last week of the schedule we've used for the past year. As of Friday, I will have the girls all weekend. Then ex has them for two days, then I have them two days. Then it's his turn for the weekend.

And, switch.

I'm not freaking out like I thought I would, though.

Perhaps it's the calm before the storm, but I've explained our new schedule to Sunshine several times, and she doesn't seem too phased, other than to say, "I don't want anything to change." But it was a statement devoid of much emotion. Almost rote.

She seems OK with the idea of having long weekends with either parent. But in the end, we shall see how she and Little Bit handle it when we're in it.

Cross your fingers. Wish us luck. This seems like the last big hurdle for the girls to deal with in the near future, so I pray it goes well - or at least better than this time last year when I had to drag a kicking and screaming 4-year-old out of my arms into her daddy's.

No. Fun.

Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day. I'll update soon.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

A quick note from me to me

I write things down so I remember them when I start to forget. This nugget is true in everything:

Take your time, have fun, and look out for you.

Being careful not to be selfish, it's important to remember - especially once you're a mom and become kid-absorbed - to look out for yourself.

Monday, May 13, 2013

It's been one year

This weekend was a first.

It was the first anniversary of the girls and I moving out from ex's house.

It was almost a carbon copy: Last year we left on a Saturday, and our first morning there was Mother's Day. The weather was beautiful. The girls played in their new backyard. The neighbor kids came over, introduced themselves and instantly became friends with Sunshine and Little Bit. I instantly became friends with their mom and step-dad.

This year, it was more of the same. Ex messed his days up and made plans to fish instead of have the girls Saturday, so I got them all weekend! Mother's Day was bright and sunny. We had an amazing day. The girls played with the neighbors. We grilled.

I couldn't have asked for a better Mother's Day weekend.

Because of ex's fishing trip, I got a small taste of what this every other weekend thing is going to be like (which starts in 2 weeks).

Wow, it's been a year since I've had a full weekend with my little ladies. That felt really nice, although I did want to hide in the closet a few times during Sunshine's epic "I can do whatever I want, and don't tell me no" fits.

Anyway, I feel like we got a lot of time together, accomplished some stuff and enjoyed the wonderful outdoors without having to check the clock to make sure they're ready for Daddy to come get them.

So now I've experienced the good side of every other weekend. With that, of course, comes the bad side, when every other week, they go with their dad, and I'm alone. But really, it's 5:30 p.m. Friday-5:30 p.m. Sunday. That's actually just 48 hours. When I think about it like that, it's really not that bad.

I can do this. And guess what? I can do most things. What a learning experience this past year has been.

While the unknowns still scare me, I have to say how happy I am to finally be getting to know myself as an adult - unincumbered by a toxic relationship and the ugly future that held for me.

Now - for a true, yet cheesy meme:

Friday, May 10, 2013

We have a custody schedule / This divorce is almost final

Yes, it's been a while since I posted. I apologize to my millions of fans. So sorry to keep you on the edge of your seat. :)

We had our last mediation session yesterday, and we've got a schedule. I kind of hate it. But our mediator sees it as the best option, so I will trust her instinct.

For those interested, it's called a 2-2-3 schedule and works as follows:

We have the girls every other weekend, from Friday at 5:30. When I have them, they spend that whole weekend with me. When he has them, they return to me Sunday at 5:30. So it's not quite 50/50, but it's good for the girls to only have 48 hours away from me (he wanted them to spend Sundays overnight too, but our mediator sided with me on that).

What concerned me about the typical every other weekend schedule is that the kids usually go 5 days in a row without the either parent, and we all agreed that was not good for them.

So during the week we'll alternate in 2-day chunks. If I have them for a weekend, he will then have them the following Monday and Tuesday (then I'll have them Wednesday and Thursday). The next week, we switch.

Make sense? Good. Your input is valuable. ;)

Anyway, here's the kicker

Ex has been such a bully (our mediator's words), control freak, angry, obsessive, cruel, inappropriate and borderline psychotic person this past year, and I have a lot of evidence to back it up.

So the mediator decided that we will go by this schedule -- which allows ex more time and lessens his child support obligation to practically nothing -- but we'll start with a 6-month probationary period.

He will have to keep his anger and hostile emails/texts in check; cooperate with the children's activities; provide for seamless transitions without talking about adult manners in front of the kids; and co-parent in an efficient manner.

I'll document, and in 6 months, if things don't work, we'll reconvene. Here's to hoping he cools his jets, and the girls handle the schedule well. Oh, and that this mommy doesn't slowly die from heartbreak. :(

I have more to say about my thoughts on this schedule, but this post is getting long and I have important web surfing to do. So I'll leave you, my devoted readers, with the following meme, which is one of my many enduring themes this past year, and one we should all live by.

And now for something that cracks me up. If you've ever watched Arrested Development, you'll definitely appreciate this. If not, get ye to Netflix and do it immediately.