Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Breaking out of my 'fear box'

This whole past year I've been aware that I need to work on myself and really make changes in myself. And I have been, to some extent.

But recently a friend said something that hit my like a ton of bricks, and I FINALLY realized that only I can make myself truly happy.

So, I'm officially working on me.

One of the things I want to do is break out of my little "fear box." I've always been timid when it comes to doing anything that might put me on display. And I'm sure that's because 1) I'm scared of people seeing me mess up, and 2) I have this weird feeling of not being worthy enough to have positive attention.

Stupid, I know.

I want to be less scared of failure, and I want my girls to see that everyone makes mistakes, and that it's OK to accept them, if not even laugh at them.

This past weekend I went to see The Price is Right stage show in Oklahoma. My friend and her sister got up and encouraged everyone in the audience to do the wave. My instinct was to sit in my chair and observe. And then I thought, "What the hell am I scared of?" So I got up and joined in the fun.

It was a small thing, but good for me.

And overall, I'm just trying to do more things that I wouldn't normally do or that I want to do with some fictional boyfriend. Instead, I'll either do them by myself or make my friends/family join in.

Next stop: Harvesting wine grapes with my bestie. I have this romantic vision of doing this with a man I'm in some amazing relationship with. Rather than wait around for that to happen, I'm moving on and finding another way to enjoy it. Thanks, BFF.

I also have a few restaurants I've been wanting to go to. Gonna sack up and go by myself. :)

Have a happy Wednesday!

Friday, July 12, 2013

Inner Peace - I love this

I just love this meme. I've been known to pretty much break all those "rules." I seriously think I've been conditioned over the years to have anger and negative thoughts. I won't go into detail about who in my life has surrounded me with that behavior. And I won't say I'm not to blame for picking up those bad habits.

But I'm ready for the cycle to end - for myself and for my children.

Negativity, anger, judgment, expectations, worry, guilt... Seriously, none of that helps.

I think I may print off this meme and put it in my wallet. When my inner peace is lagging behind, a cheat sheet may be helpful.

Thursday, July 11, 2013


It's been a while since I've written anything. Not much going on. The girls are adjusting pretty well to the schedule changes, although we certainly are having our share of discipline issues aimed at me/my mom and not so much at their dad.

Thanks, girls. Love you too. ;)

We'll see how things go once school starts in August and they're both in full-time school for the first time ever - especially Little Bit who's never been in daycare. Once the transition has set in, I see good things for them and their discipline/development.

Other than that, I'm preoccupied with two things lately:

* Can this divorce be finalized already?! My lawyer makes molasses look like Michael Johnson (or do I need to be more up-to-date and say Usain Bolt?). Seriously, his inability to call me back and get anything done is really holding this up. I'm quite frustrated, but my hands are tied. Please, oh please, let this end so we can move on with our lives!

* The other thing I'm thinking about lately is that Sunshine is turning 5! How is that possible? As of today, she's got three more days of being 4. A 5 year old. Wow, it seems so big. So "little girl" instead of "still kind of a toddler."

But, who am I to complain? Despite many setbacks and a ton of bullshit from their dad - which will never end, because it's in his nature to be a pain in the ass - things are going well at this point.

Let's all hope it continues.