I'm divorced!

Oh, guess what? After 2.5 years of legal crap, I'm finally divorced! Granted, we still have to hammer out the details at a January court date because nothing is ever QUITE as easy as I'd like.

But for today, I can smile knowing that one part of my life is finally moving forward.

A pre-trial date

Pretend for a minute, if you will, that my divorce hasn't gone on for more than 2 years. Mkay? Great.

So, we have a date - June 30 - set for pre-trial. That means they'll discuss what our trial will entail and set a court date.

It's really all so silly. We're going to court solely about money issues. Ex owes me not very much, but he refuses to pay any of it, and my attorney is SO annoyed at him that he may reduce what I owe him. So, if I lose in court, I have a feeling my attorney won't exactly expect me to pay him much for the honor of having taken my ex to court. (An aside: I have paid barely any of what I owe him, and no one has bothered me about it. I think it's because my attorney knows that part of why this divorce has dragged on is his own incompetence and laziness.)

The bigger issue is actually that he owes my mom almost $5,000 in unpaid day care from when she watched the girls for a year. He refuses to pay, plain and simple. Because it's a matter of our divorce settlement, I have to go to court to fight for that.

Again, I don't see a judge saying he doesn't owe my mom. But if he/she does, then at least we know and can move on.

Oh, did I mention that ex is SO cocky and sure that he'll win that he no longer has an attorney? That's right, he thinks he can go to court by himself (he also didn't even think I'd take him to court, so maybe he's changed his mind and hired another one). My attorney assures me, in his exact words, that ex will "get his ass kicked in court" without an attorney. I hope so. I've been screwed enough. It's time for me to have a win.

BUT win or lose, I'm getting this damn divorce over with! I hate to go to court and potentially pay more money to do so, but life is short. Unfortunately, this divorce is not.

Wish me luck!

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

I saw this today, and every single one resounded with me. Especially No. 1. It's the hardest to keep at heart. Walking away from a relationship that is not what you need it to be is SO hard. I did it finally with my ex. I hope I'll be smart enough to do it again if I need to.

#1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

Know your damn worth, people.

http://www.lifebuzz.com/just-stop/

Where I am now

Saw this meme today, and as they tend to do, it spoke to me. Who can relate?

Also, I have to laugh after yesterday's post about having the night to myself and feeling great about it. Not 20 minutes later, ex texted me that the girls wanted to spend the night with me.

So, not so much on the "me" time, but I was thrilled nonetheless to have a bonus night with my gals. And - because I've made a commitment to work out every day for the next month - I went to the gym after they went to bed.

Yay, me!

It's all me!

Well hello, there. I had a fun thought today. Neither kid has school and it's ex's day/night with them, so when I get off work, I can do WHATEVER I WANT.

Not that I'm ungrateful at all for my time with my girls! But I very rarely can get off work and not have something required of me.

I'm going to exercise. Then I'm going out with a friend. Then I'm going home and watching the Olympics.

It's all me, and spending time on ME is actually pretty great.

Happy Tuesday! Oh, and go USA!

The hurt

So true:

It will be a better year

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself last New Year's for 2013 to be the year. It was the year following the most disastrous one yet. I was sure 2013 would be when it all turned around.

Don't get me wrong, it WAS a better year.

The girls and I have made our peace with the situation and are doing quite well, although they have continuing underlying issues because their father has NOT made peace and can't figure out how to keep his nasty thoughts about me away from the girls.

Financially, sure - I'd love to be in my own house with the girls, and I even have dreams about it. I could move out from my mom's. Get an apartment. Rent a house. Buy a real cheap house.

But I want to do it right, and I don't want the girls to have to move a lot.

My goal remains to stay here until Little Bit is in kindergarten in fall 2015. I won't have her day care costs by then, and I should have continued to save enough money for a down payment on a house (I hope). To that end, if you're interested, I'm using this savings model, except I started at $12 in January and will go from there. I'm estimating a savings of $2,000 a year:

Personally, I've been dating a wonderful man, but we have a lot of challenges: getting over our own previous relationship issues...me having kids...

Nothing insurmountable, yet sometimes I feel like I'm working way harder than I should in this. If a man wants you in his life, he'll make the effort, right?

Anyway, so none of my parenting, financial or personal issues were magically solved in 2013. And there will be no magic this year, either.

But, I keep moving forward, appreciating what I have, happy for what I no longer have to endure, and hopeful that my heart's desires will fall into place.

Here's to a better year!