A pre-trial date

Pretend for a minute, if you will, that my divorce hasn't gone on for more than 2 years. Mkay? Great.

So, we have a date - June 30 - set for pre-trial. That means they'll discuss what our trial will entail and set a court date.

It's really all so silly. We're going to court solely about money issues. Ex owes me not very much, but he refuses to pay any of it, and my attorney is SO annoyed at him that he may reduce what I owe him. So, if I lose in court, I have a feeling my attorney won't exactly expect me to pay him much for the honor of having taken my ex to court. (An aside: I have paid barely any of what I owe him, and no one has bothered me about it. I think it's because my attorney knows that part of why this divorce has dragged on is his own incompetence and laziness.)

The bigger issue is actually that he owes my mom almost $5,000 in unpaid day care from when she watched the girls for a year. He refuses to pay, plain and simple. Because it's a matter of our divorce settlement, I have to go to court to fight for that.

Again, I don't see a judge saying he doesn't owe my mom. But if he/she does, then at least we know and can move on.

Oh, did I mention that ex is SO cocky and sure that he'll win that he no longer has an attorney? That's right, he thinks he can go to court by himself (he also didn't even think I'd take him to court, so maybe he's changed his mind and hired another one). My attorney assures me, in his exact words, that ex will "get his ass kicked in court" without an attorney. I hope so. I've been screwed enough. It's time for me to have a win.

BUT win or lose, I'm getting this damn divorce over with! I hate to go to court and potentially pay more money to do so, but life is short. Unfortunately, this divorce is not.

Wish me luck!

Inner Peace - I love this

I just love this meme. I've been known to pretty much break all those "rules." I seriously think I've been conditioned over the years to have anger and negative thoughts. I won't go into detail about who in my life has surrounded me with that behavior. And I won't say I'm not to blame for picking up those bad habits.

But I'm ready for the cycle to end - for myself and for my children.

Negativity, anger, judgment, expectations, worry, guilt... Seriously, none of that helps.

I think I may print off this meme and put it in my wallet. When my inner peace is lagging behind, a cheat sheet may be helpful.

The best revenge

So I just came across the above meme. It made me think of my situation (shocking, I know).

When ex and I first separated, and for many months after, I sometimes would make a point not to look too nice when I saw him at exchanges with the girls.

Why?

Well, I didn't want to look like I was thriving or happier or otherwise quickly moving on. There was a lot of guilt associated with the decision to divorce, and I didn't want to make him feel worse. So I'd do things like put on my new dress or nice makeup after I saw him.

Fast forward to now.

Ex seems to have it in his head that he's Mr. Winner in this whole divorce and that I (and my mom, who the girls and I live with) am struggling right now. He said he feels bad for me. Like I'm something to be pitied because I live with my mom and don't earn $1 million a year.

Oh, how wrong you are, sir.

The fact is, I am without things I would like at this age, like my own house, namely.

But I have gained so much in this divorce and learned more about how to make myself happy than I ever could have otherwise.

So now that meme rings true. Not only am I proud of how well I'm doing, I have no qualms anymore about showing it. My life is harder, but much happier on the whole.

I call that a success.

A quick note from me to me

I write things down so I remember them when I start to forget. This nugget is true in everything:

Take your time, have fun, and look out for you.

Being careful not to be selfish, it's important to remember - especially once you're a mom and become kid-absorbed - to look out for yourself.

Living in the now

Anyone else think it's a big relief once you finally realize you can't control things? If it's not in your control, then you have permission to release a lot of that guilt and worry.

With that in mind, I see only two choices:

Stay angry at the past and wish it had all gone differently.

OR

Let it go, try better and be happy.

Which one will you choose?