I'm divorced!

Oh, guess what? After 2.5 years of legal crap, I'm finally divorced! Granted, we still have to hammer out the details at a January court date because nothing is ever QUITE as easy as I'd like.

But for today, I can smile knowing that one part of my life is finally moving forward.

Pause, be happy

No time for hate

This is how I feel about ex. No matter the sh*tty things he does - and has done in the past - I can't bring myself to hate him. He is still a person.

Besides, spending my mental energy on hating someone? Nah. I'll save true hate for Hitler. Hating a person I was once married to and friends with seems ridiculous. I sure don't like him, but this chick has more to do with her time than waste it on hatred.

He certainly hates me, but that's his cross to bear. I'm over it.

Thoughts? Do you actively hate your ex, or are you ready to mentally move on?

The best revenge

So I just came across the above meme. It made me think of my situation (shocking, I know).

When ex and I first separated, and for many months after, I sometimes would make a point not to look too nice when I saw him at exchanges with the girls.

Why?

Well, I didn't want to look like I was thriving or happier or otherwise quickly moving on. There was a lot of guilt associated with the decision to divorce, and I didn't want to make him feel worse. So I'd do things like put on my new dress or nice makeup after I saw him.

Fast forward to now.

Ex seems to have it in his head that he's Mr. Winner in this whole divorce and that I (and my mom, who the girls and I live with) am struggling right now. He said he feels bad for me. Like I'm something to be pitied because I live with my mom and don't earn $1 million a year.

Oh, how wrong you are, sir.

The fact is, I am without things I would like at this age, like my own house, namely.

But I have gained so much in this divorce and learned more about how to make myself happy than I ever could have otherwise.

So now that meme rings true. Not only am I proud of how well I'm doing, I have no qualms anymore about showing it. My life is harder, but much happier on the whole.

I call that a success.

A quick note from me to me

I write things down so I remember them when I start to forget. This nugget is true in everything:

Take your time, have fun, and look out for you.

Being careful not to be selfish, it's important to remember - especially once you're a mom and become kid-absorbed - to look out for yourself.

Living in the now

Anyone else think it's a big relief once you finally realize you can't control things? If it's not in your control, then you have permission to release a lot of that guilt and worry.

With that in mind, I see only two choices:

Stay angry at the past and wish it had all gone differently.

OR

Let it go, try better and be happy.

Which one will you choose?

My sparkle

I ran across this quote today and just love it:

Never let anybody else dull your sparkle!

That speaks volumes to me. I feel like I totally lost myself in my relationship with ex. There was so much about me that he didn't like or wanted to change, from the hue of my skin to my desire not to drink/party myself into oblivion like he did multiple times a week. For that, I was labeled a boring stick-in-the-mud. All for being myself.

By the time we separated a year ago, I barely saw any of the old me left.

Let me tell you, that has definitely changed. I'm much more confident and sure of what I will and won't put up with in my life. And while I have no idea what the future holds for my life as a mom and more, I try to remember that no one does.

No one has the answers. But we have ourselves. And don't let anyone make you think you're not worthy of being exactly who you are.

Never let anybody else dull your sparkle!

How you live your days

Happiness is an attitude. How you will live your days is a choice that is completely within your control.

Man, I am just a wealth of random quotes meant to gag inspire all ones of my blog followers. I don't take my position lightly. ;)

Seriously, I do love the feeling that I have some control over my happiness. And better yet - I love that I can teach this to my kids.

Anyway, enough seriousness. Funny memes?

OK, without further ado (did I spell that right? looks weird):



And...



And in case you thought your day was bad, just be happy you're not the editor of this fine work:



Good day.

Practicing mindfulness

I came across this link yesterday and really appreciate the message: http://alturl.com/9zzjw

The gist of it is to choose to be happy and avoid negative thinking. This is something I've made a major goal in my life. I can not control what happens as a result of this divorce, but I can control how I react to my situation, and will teach my kids the same.

On another note, I hope all three of the hoards of my readers enjoyed Valentine's Day. ;)

Mine was awesome: I took the day off work to spend the morning with Sunshine at her school. Then both girls and I had a play date at my best friend's house with her kids.

Love all around.

Trying to love 2013

I am trying my best to love 2013. After last year's shitstorm, I was hoping and expecting that this year would be better

But not even 2 months in, and SO many people I know of have died, nearly every single one of them before their time.

- Let's start with last week, when my friends' sweet 2-month-old girl died. The beloved daughter of two dear friends whose lives will never be the same.

- Today Sunshine's old daycare teacher lost her brother, in his 20s.

- Three weeks ago, my dad's longtime colleague was found dead on the hospital floor after going in for just some flu symptoms.

- On New Year's Eve my friend's cousin - a husband and father of three young children - had a heart attack in his sleep. He was 32.

- On New Year's Day, my dad's cousin's wife - who suffered from severe childhood trauma and resulting personality disorders - committed suicide by laying down in front of a train.

- Two weeks ago my friend's mom died of complications from alcoholism (liver failure, flu, pneumonia). She was 54. This friend, by the way, is related to the couple who lost their baby last week.

OK, 2013. We get it. Life continues to be a struggle. How about cutting us all some slack now.

Really, I am COMMITTED to "finding my happy" this year. It is hard, though, when there is so much sadness surrounding me.

I have a feeling this is going to be a 2013 staple:

Happiness. Sadness. And a possible deal.

Well, as I mentioned yesterday, life sometimes has a way of bringing you back down to Earth.

While my troubles with ex, a custody battle and financial choices aren't trivial, they seem so insignificant when you consider the real suffering going on elsewhere.

Here I am, blessed with (knock on wood) two healthy girls, while my friends' only child just died. She barely got to live. Two months? Really, that's all they got to have with her? It's so fucking unfair.

Clearly that devastating news has made my divorce issues take a back seat for the moment. But I can't ignore them altogether.

Why, you ask?

Because maybe, JUST MAYBE, we are close to having a deal. If this happens (and there are more things to agree on that may completely derail this), neither one of us win much. We are basically in a situation where we can't afford to divorce without us both taking a pretty big hit. Actually, I would take a big financial hit for a few years in lieu of a bigger hit (selling the house and risking 50/50 custody), plus my name would be stuck on "his" house until he can refinance and get me off the title/lien.

But perhaps most important: If he and I can come to an agreement together, his anger and general mood would improve tremendously. He'll always be bitter and hate me (I don't care), but I could perhaps see a day where we could co-parent for he benefit of our children.

Should I have to compromise so much just to help control his anger? No.

But I ask you, wouldn't you pay thousands if it meant your kid(s) could grow up in a non-adversarial (or less adversarial) environment?? I think that is worth gold.

To end this on an uplifting note, I find this meme to be something I need to remember more: