A new home, a new start

I think 2015 is getting off to a pretty good start.

Granted, most of that is based on attitude alone, if you ask me. I'm determined for an even better year. And so far, 2015 is proving me right.

The girls and I have been blessed enough to live with my mom these past nearly three years since separating from my ex. But now we're moving! We're renting a cute little place just a few blocks away for just me and my ladies.

Yes, it will be hard being away from their Nana; they have no memory of not living with her. But we'll see her constantly. She can come over to help tuck them in. We can still have meals together once or twice a week. I'm hopeful that my nervous (and kind of sad) girls will adjust fairly easily.

Anyone else have experience moving your kids away from a grandparent?

Other news: I'm dating a new guy who seems really great! My guard is totally up because, well, I'm nearly 40, have two kids and haven't made the wisest choices in the past when it comes to men.

This guys is all in, it seems, and is so thoughtful. So naturally I wonder what's wrong with him. Could it be that he's simply taken with me and that I'm deserving of such attention? Hmm. Food for thought. ;)

Lastly, I have to say that I'm happy with how things are at the moment with my ex. Not to get into excruciating details, but basically I'm appeasing him financially in exchange for him promising a cooperative co-parenting relationship. My guard is up with this arrangement too, but for good cause. I'll take less money any day (even though we could use it) if it means the girls can see their parents get along on a basic human level.

I hope the year continues on this upward trajectory.

I'm divorced!

Oh, guess what? After 2.5 years of legal crap, I'm finally divorced! Granted, we still have to hammer out the details at a January court date because nothing is ever QUITE as easy as I'd like.

But for today, I can smile knowing that one part of my life is finally moving forward.

My sparkle

I ran across this quote today and just love it:

Never let anybody else dull your sparkle!

That speaks volumes to me. I feel like I totally lost myself in my relationship with ex. There was so much about me that he didn't like or wanted to change, from the hue of my skin to my desire not to drink/party myself into oblivion like he did multiple times a week. For that, I was labeled a boring stick-in-the-mud. All for being myself.

By the time we separated a year ago, I barely saw any of the old me left.

Let me tell you, that has definitely changed. I'm much more confident and sure of what I will and won't put up with in my life. And while I have no idea what the future holds for my life as a mom and more, I try to remember that no one does.

No one has the answers. But we have ourselves. And don't let anyone make you think you're not worthy of being exactly who you are.

Never let anybody else dull your sparkle!

Being loved

Ahh, I just came across this quote and love it:

No matter how strong and independent we are, we need to be loved in order to live well.

So true.

Which leads me to an epiphany of sorts I've had this week: I'm in a unique position (well, maybe not so unique given the divorce rate in our country) of getting to start over and get it right this time. In other words, it finally clicked that I no longer have to be that woman who looks at other couples and is jealous that these women have a man in their life who loves them and proves their love often with little affirmations.

Notes...thoughtful comments and actions...tiny gifts...

I really want that in a relationship. It helps me feel loved to have tiny reminders. But it's also about showing your partner that you love and appreciate them, and not being afraid to let others know that. It's about being an advocate for your partner. It's about thinking about them in addition to yourself and wanting them to be happy.

My ex pretty much never did that. Maybe I didn't for him, either. Fact is - we weren't right for each other. Case closed. Moving on.

And part of moving on for me will be setting boundaries. I've lived my life wishing I could be with a man who loved me and never let me wonder for a moment if that loved had slipped away.

Divorce sucks. But one thing that is nice about being 30-something, single and a bit wiser is that I have the chance to say what I want in a relationship and make it count.

No more settling. No more doormat. No more wishing for something but not communicating my desires.

When I'm ready - I hope I can finally have that relationship I've always dreamed of. Not a fairytale. That doesn't exist. But I think a relationship of serious love does exist. And this time I won't settle for anything less.

Practicing mindfulness

I came across this link yesterday and really appreciate the message: http://alturl.com/9zzjw

The gist of it is to choose to be happy and avoid negative thinking. This is something I've made a major goal in my life. I can not control what happens as a result of this divorce, but I can control how I react to my situation, and will teach my kids the same.

On another note, I hope all three of the hoards of my readers enjoyed Valentine's Day. ;)

Mine was awesome: I took the day off work to spend the morning with Sunshine at her school. Then both girls and I had a play date at my best friend's house with her kids.

Love all around.

High hopes

I just had to steal this line from a fellow mom who is in the midst of a divorce herself. Her blog is http://peekinsidethecloud.blogspot.com/

One of the things she wrote was that she was "...running away from a marriage that just didn't fit toward a life that I have high hopes for."

I read this on her blog and it struck me. This is me. The running away part probably has a bad connotation, but I know that I - and I'm guessing she - did all I could plausibly do before the "D" word became part of the discussion.

But what gets me is the rest of that sentence. A marriage that just didn't fit. A life that I have high hopes for.

Don't we all deserve that - the chance to fulfill our lives as best we can?