Dealing with ex during the holidays - not much joy to this world

I haven't written anything in a long time. I guess that's the way blogs go sometimes.

Not a lot to report.

We're entering another holiday season still not officially divorced because my lawyer drags his foot like it's his job.

Holidays are hard, because ex doesn't understand our schedule that HE agreed to and fights back whenever he can. I'm sure he'll pull some stunt to screw up what we've already agreed to. It's just his way. He pays no attention until the moment is upon him, then he gets pissed and throws a fit cause he isn't getting his way.

Like a 2 year old. Good God.

But all this aside, I have to remember that nothing is as huge a deal after the fact as it is at the time. So a couple hours here and there on Christmas day that I thought I'd have with the girls that he somehow manages to ruin - it's all a thing of the past a couple months later.

The most important thing is to shield the kids from the "drama" and just allow them to have a great time with both parents.

And for my part when they're gone - I'll have a bunch of egg nog. :)

Happy (almost) holidays to whoever's reading out there. Good luck with your schedules, and enjoy the moments you have with your loved ones.

Don't lose yourself

Why does it take some of us so long to figure these things out? This is something I want to remember. Do not let anyone devalue you or make you work for the love that should come naturally.

Breaking out of my 'fear box'

This whole past year I've been aware that I need to work on myself and really make changes in myself. And I have been, to some extent.

But recently a friend said something that hit my like a ton of bricks, and I FINALLY realized that only I can make myself truly happy.

So, I'm officially working on me.

One of the things I want to do is break out of my little "fear box." I've always been timid when it comes to doing anything that might put me on display. And I'm sure that's because 1) I'm scared of people seeing me mess up, and 2) I have this weird feeling of not being worthy enough to have positive attention.

Stupid, I know.

I want to be less scared of failure, and I want my girls to see that everyone makes mistakes, and that it's OK to accept them, if not even laugh at them.

This past weekend I went to see The Price is Right stage show in Oklahoma. My friend and her sister got up and encouraged everyone in the audience to do the wave. My instinct was to sit in my chair and observe. And then I thought, "What the hell am I scared of?" So I got up and joined in the fun.

It was a small thing, but good for me.

And overall, I'm just trying to do more things that I wouldn't normally do or that I want to do with some fictional boyfriend. Instead, I'll either do them by myself or make my friends/family join in.

Next stop: Harvesting wine grapes with my bestie. I have this romantic vision of doing this with a man I'm in some amazing relationship with. Rather than wait around for that to happen, I'm moving on and finding another way to enjoy it. Thanks, BFF.

I also have a few restaurants I've been wanting to go to. Gonna sack up and go by myself. :)

Have a happy Wednesday!

Inner Peace - I love this

I just love this meme. I've been known to pretty much break all those "rules." I seriously think I've been conditioned over the years to have anger and negative thoughts. I won't go into detail about who in my life has surrounded me with that behavior. And I won't say I'm not to blame for picking up those bad habits.

But I'm ready for the cycle to end - for myself and for my children.

Negativity, anger, judgment, expectations, worry, guilt... Seriously, none of that helps.

I think I may print off this meme and put it in my wallet. When my inner peace is lagging behind, a cheat sheet may be helpful.

Hiya

It's been a while since I've written anything. Not much going on. The girls are adjusting pretty well to the schedule changes, although we certainly are having our share of discipline issues aimed at me/my mom and not so much at their dad.

Thanks, girls. Love you too. ;)

We'll see how things go once school starts in August and they're both in full-time school for the first time ever - especially Little Bit who's never been in daycare. Once the transition has set in, I see good things for them and their discipline/development.

Other than that, I'm preoccupied with two things lately:

* Can this divorce be finalized already?! My lawyer makes molasses look like Michael Johnson (or do I need to be more up-to-date and say Usain Bolt?). Seriously, his inability to call me back and get anything done is really holding this up. I'm quite frustrated, but my hands are tied. Please, oh please, let this end so we can move on with our lives!

* The other thing I'm thinking about lately is that Sunshine is turning 5! How is that possible? As of today, she's got three more days of being 4. A 5 year old. Wow, it seems so big. So "little girl" instead of "still kind of a toddler."

But, who am I to complain? Despite many setbacks and a ton of bullshit from their dad - which will never end, because it's in his nature to be a pain in the ass - things are going well at this point.

Let's all hope it continues.

Pause, be happy

No time for hate

This is how I feel about ex. No matter the sh*tty things he does - and has done in the past - I can't bring myself to hate him. He is still a person.

Besides, spending my mental energy on hating someone? Nah. I'll save true hate for Hitler. Hating a person I was once married to and friends with seems ridiculous. I sure don't like him, but this chick has more to do with her time than waste it on hatred.

He certainly hates me, but that's his cross to bear. I'm over it.

Thoughts? Do you actively hate your ex, or are you ready to mentally move on?