Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My stream of consciousness today

Will I ever know what's best? At this point, I feel I have to either choose what's best for my kids short-term or choose what's best for my finances long-term.

And I know the two are intertwined.

Choose an even more angry, hostile, deviant, manipulative, revengeful ex...or choose to take it up the a*s financially so he can remain calm and I can - at least for now - not have to give my kids up even more?

When do you ever know what's right?

I guess the right thing would have been to suck up my boring, unfulfilling,stressful relationship and just not get the divorce. That's what he wanted. Why couldn't I make it work? Why do I insist on being happy when I know that I would also be SO happy not being apart from my kids and not inflicting this lifelong parental separation on them?

I know it's too late to go back. As always - I wish I had a crystal ball. Tell me my kids will turn out to be happy adults who weren't ruined psychologically by their parents. Please. Then to me, this would be worth it despite the pain.

OR, what if I end up a poor, lonely single mom who never finds a fulfilling relationship AND has my kids away from me half of each week?

Clearly I need a pick-me-up today.

Friday, November 2, 2012


Well, we made it through Halloween, thank god. The ex and I were able to hand out candy and trick-or-treat with the girls together without anything bad happening, and when I left so he could finish out his night with them, there were no tears!

So, massive co-parenting success.

Please send good vibes that we can figure out a holiday schedule for the rest of the year that puts the kids first and allows us both to spend time with our kids. And send more vibes, prayers, etc. that our custody situation remains as is right now. More change would be real hard for Sunshine to take.

I have big decisions coming up involving child support, day care and what to do about the house my name is still on. I'm scared and really don't know what to do. I hope I can find some clarity ASAP on what the best choice is.