Monday, January 28, 2013
This is a big one for me. It took a LONG time to get to the point where I could look that fear in the eye and decide that my happiness was worth it.
Where does that leave my kids, though? What about THEIR happiness? Are they happier now that their father and I are apart?
They ARE happy. And I think I can say that despite rough times between their dad and I that affect them - and the transition of adjusting to new schedules - they remain happy children.
The only times they aren't happy is when their dad does things like yell at me to "Go away! Get off my porch! Back away!" right in front of them. (He did that last night. What a peach.)
In that regard - his ability to control himself - they are screwed. But, they were always screwed, because that's the dad they have. No matter the situation, he was always an angry man. Divorced or not, the girls will always grow up with a bitter father who has an inner hatred of himself that pushes out onto other people.
Anyway, through my fear a year ago, I saw a potential future that I will try my hardest to achieve:
One where I am no longer living with a controlling, toxic man;
One where my girls see me happier and in control of my life;
One where my girls can talk openly with me about the troubles they will inevitably face;
One where I can teach them to "find the happy" and not see themselves as victims of divorce;
One where I can have a happy relationship with a man and be able to model that for my girls.
Pushing through the fear, one day at at time. :)
Posted by Mom in Limbo at 10:31 AM