Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Needing some strength

I like having this outlet when I need some strength.

Ex has made his intentions to fight for 50/50 custody clear, but before we even can sit down in limited case management and discuss it, he's still trying to get me to agree to other changes. Little by little, wearing me down.

I almost said yes. Almost. The change isn't a big deal. But where does it stop? And why not just have it all out in case management?

So I just emailed him saying I'd rather we discuss the schedule in its entirety in case management rather than make more changes right now.

He is, obviously, going to be pissed and accuse me of denying him time with the girls. Really - there's no winning for me, is there? I try to the best of my ability to keep consistency for my girls, and I'm accused of keeping them away from their father.

And for the record, I don't think the amount of time they have with him is bad.

If you count just waking hours, they're with him:

Nine hours during the week and 11 hours during the weekend.

Waking hours with me:

About 15 or 15.5 hours during the week and about 14.5 hours on the weekend.

So they're with me about 30 waking hours a week, and him about 20. And that doesn't count the several times a week he stops by Sunshine's school to see them at pickup time and the once a week he takes them to lunch. I don't get to do those things, because I work farther away and have an unflexible schedule.

Anyone reading this, please let me know if you think that's an unfair balance. I honestly am curious. Maybe I'm wrong.

The girls are really young, have always had me as their main caregiver, and have been on this schedule for 9 months now. When they're with him, I don't exist. Any mention of me is - from what I gather from my 4yo - met with disdain. Phone calls aren't allowed. He yells at me in front of them and has always been very gruff and non-nurturing (not that he's abusive or anything to them).

So with that knowledge, why make massive changes just cause it's what he wants? If it were up to me, they'd be with me MORE, but that's what I want - not necessarily what's best for them.

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