Sunday, September 2, 2012

Soon-to-be single mom

Well, this is me. I'm a mom of two beautiful girls, 2 and 4 years old. At some point in the near future, I'll be divorced. Sigh. Like everyone else, it seems. I'm a statistic.

I'm not sure what to think about that, really. In some ways, I'm not surprised. Why am I any different than any other typical American?

I married for the wrong reasons. I let my biological clock and lack of confidence lead me down a path I knew was wrong (not too wrong in the end, though - I would do it all over again for my girls).

But here I stand: I've made the hardest decision of my entire life. Their dad would have stayed with me and continued to fight. And that's valiant. But in the end, what are we fighting for? The girls, of course! But when the true basis of love and friendship were never there -- and years of emotional abuse and neglect remain in our hearts -- where does that leave you in the long run?

So I've decided, although I doubt my choice constantly, to do what I know is best for myself. And while that choice is so hard for my girls and for their dad (well, this is partially his choice too, he just doesn't want to admit it), I will do everything in my power to make the best choices possible for them. My girls, that is. Their dad is on his own. :)

I love them fiercely and wish I could take away all their hurt and uncertainty. But I suppose that even if I was happily married to their dad, I still couldn't protect them from everything. I will try my best, though.

Why am I writing this blog? Turns out I need an outlet for my thoughts in this whole process. So I can talk the ears off of my friends and family (which I'll continue to do), or I can get it down in writing. And if anyone has similar circumstances, I'd love to hear how they handle their little world.


  1. I'm a divorced Mom of two. My ex husband left a year and a half ago and the divorce was final 6 months ago.
    I've hit rock bottom in the past year and a half. Somehow I managed to turn things around but life hasn't gotten any easier. Every day is a struggle. I feel lonely, overwhelmed and frustrated.
    I've come across several blogs from other single Moms that have become success stories to me.
    Hang in there!

  2. I'm so sorry you're struggling so badly, Stephanie. What are you struggles? I need to know what I'm in for.

  3. As a wife and mother who worked full time I didn't have much me time. Everyone and everything else came first. I have a small family and only have my parents close by. My friendships were mostly the occasional girls night or getting together with friends as couples.
    Once he decided to leave I was left feeling completely alone emotionally and financially I couldn't run a household on my own. The kids and I had to move back in with my parents to make ends meet.
    The kids have been going to their Dad's every other weekend since we split. I had to figure out what to do with myself when the kids were gone and it was really difficult.
    After I hit rock bottom I got up and knew I had to be a stronger person for my children who are now 10 and 6. Even though I have grown in so many ways I still miss having a companion and I'm working on not being lonely when I'm alone. Something that has taken a long time to figure out!
    Being a single Mom is one of the hardest things to do. My kids and I have now moved out of my parents house and I'm struggling to make ends meet but I'm doing it without help so that means something!
    I have found out who my true friends are and have lost people I trusted. I wish I had someone in a similar situation to talk with in my darkest times.
    I found your blog through another written by a "soon to be single mom" with the soon to be crossed out. Very nice to hear about success stories. I guess things really can get better :)

  4. Yes, success stories are nice. I hope to be one someday.

    We live with my mom, and I'm nowhere near being able to live with my kids on my own. I feel like it will never happen. Alone time. Man, that KILLS me. Yesterday was so hard. And I tried to not be depressed about it, but it was horrible. I hope to get better on that/surround myself with people I love when I'm not with my kids. I am lucky in that my mom lives here; so does my dad; and for a couple years, my brother and his wife do. I also have a couple real close friends I can always count on.

    How are your kids handling the divorce and custody situation?

  5. You are really lucky to have a great support system! I hope things are going better lately.

    I have custody of the kids and my ex gets them every other weekend and two weeks in the summer. We have been alternating holidays so this year he will have them for Christmas. I'm not looking forward to a Christmas without them but I'm trying to stay strong. The kids really enjoy time with their dad and their grandparents on his side. At first they were sad that daddy didn't live with us anymore but now their time with him seems to be more precious and they do more quality things together than they had in the past. He does come over to visit them when they are with me during the week which they love. I'm working on getting used to him stopping out.

    I know its hard, believe me, but try to enjoy your time without the kids and think of all the stuff you can get done or projects you can start. Do you have any hobbies you wish you had more time for? Then when they come back you will be refueled and ready for anything!

  6. So every other weekend. That just doesn't seem like much at all. Any particular reason why he doesn't see the kids more? I'm always interested in how other arrangements are made, especially as ex wants to be with the kids MORE, and it makes me wonder what's right for the kids.

  7. Sorry about the late response! I hope things are going ok for you!
    He does come visit sometimes during the week when I have the kids. It's not a set schedule but he will stop over after work and visit and play with them.
    But as far as the custody arrangement its pretty least where I live. I am the custodial parent and he gets "standard visitation." I do know that joint or split custody is always an option too. The kids could spend one week with you, then one week with dad and rotate. Or you could split up the weeks or even rotate months.
    I personally liked the idea of the kids having one home where they reside majority of the time and visiting the other. An acquaintance of mine does split custody where the kids bounce back and forth.I've heard of parents who live in different states who have custody during the school year, then they go to the other parent in the summer.
    It's really up to what you think is best for your kids. Have you talked with a lawyer yet?
    I know its very overwhelming!

  8. I just saw this post for some reason. Yeah, we are far from done with our custody battle. Since May they've been with him overnights Wed. and Thur., and all day Sunday. He's trying to basically bribe me: If I agree to not make him pay day care, he won't fight for 50/50 custody. Of course, he goes back and forth on that depending how angry he is. It's insane.

    Yes, my lawyer is working for me. And I'm paying for it. Ugh.