Things have been...going. Sunshine was a little sad about going to her dad's last night, but she handled it well. What BREAKS MY HEART is that she wants to look at a picture of me when she's there, but a collage I made for her clearly isn't being allowed on her cork board like she wanted.
And she's sad/confused about it.
(ETA: I wrote a lot more about the subject, but deleted it. I'm really, really not wanting to bash their dad. That's not what this is about.)
I get depressed at times when I think of the enormity of all this. Folks, this is FOREVER. I will forever and always have to share my kids, and they will forever and always have to deal with not being with me when they want to be.
The only rays of hope I have are:
1. It's teaching them, especially Sunshine, to not be completely dependent on just me. I was way too dependent on my mom, and it hurt like hell if she ever left. I want my kids to have more confidence in themselves than that.
2. I know with every fiber of being that, kid-related sadness not withstanding, I will be enormously more happy in my personal life. I don't mean that as an attack to my soon-to-be ex, but we just were not a match at all, and we did not have a happy, functioning marriage.
So, out of the million reasons I'm sad about this pending divorce, there are two positives. I'm hoping someday there will be more.
And to keep this blog from being such a bummer, I'll end by saying I'm looking forward to tonight. Gonna have Happy Hour with my BFF. Kiddos play, we play. Everyone wins.