Well, the girls spent all Sunday with their dad. For the past month or so, while we tried to see if we could reconcile, I've been spending most of that day with them. So this was just them and Daddy. And it was tough. The Friday before, Sunshine threw a fit and had to be carried in by a pissed off father. So needless to say, she wasn't looking forward to an entire day with him. And night.
There were two wins early on, however. First - no one cried at drop-off. It helps that it was morning, and the girls were still bright-eyed and fresh. So, no crying or fits.
Then the biggest win of all: Even though he swore he wouldn't allow it, he let Sunshine call me. I got to talk to her and Little Bit while they played at the park. And they were happy as can be, so I got off the phone feeling as good as one can in this situation.
This next bit I'll call a win/loss. Little Bit fell and got a giant goose egg on her forehead. Like, a big one. Bad enough that their dad actually sent me a picture of it. Bad enough that it prompted me to call him and make sure she was OK.
But then a few minutes later he sent a photo of her being snuggled and iced. And he said she was doing better. That was a great co-parenting move. Win-win for the kids and parents. Thank you.
And then, at about 6 p.m., he let them call me again!
But, Sunshine was bawling. She missed me so much and just wanted to come home. What must go through her head when I say she can't? I fear so much that she will have real abandonment issues. Dear sweet Sunshine - I would never purposely be without you. I hope someday you can understand this. (And really - when is it OK to take her to a child psychologist to make sure she's adjusting normally? Cause I'll do whatever I can to help her transition.) Anyway, I sang her a song and then asked if she could give me just one smile. She said she did, and it seemed to calm her down. And while I'll field those calls every day if she needs me to, the fact that she was so upset is heartbreaking.
So, here we are. After a nice Labor Day spent with my girls (I offered to split the day with him, because I expect the same during the next holiday, but he said he was going hunting. I don't think he did, which is fine. But just for the record - I offered.)
Neither one of the girls wanted me to go to work today. And I know it's because they're feeling insecure. How can I help them? I dread the moment I have to send them back to their dad. He loves them. They love him. But at this moment in their lives while they're little, the love me more. Children need both parents, but they need their mommy most.